Wednesday, 15 June 2016

Tempers snap in Ceredigion

Never known for their peace-making tendencies, Euro-friendly inhabitants of Ceredigion snapped into vigilante action yesterday.

Outraged beyond measure by a morning wireless interview with Trevor Kavanagh, Editor [sic] of the Sun newspaper [sic] on the topic of the upcoming under-publicised Euro-referendum, they took the only action open to them to redress the balance of political debate by defacing the Aberystwyth flagpoles - a brave move given the well known attitude of British justice to defacing of public materials.

Large numbers of outraged residents, masked and disguised, braved the June weather, flanked by protective troupes of Russian football hooligans on bicycles. Armed with labels and sellotape, they made a clean sweep of the poles, interfering with English labels to align them with the Sun's view of future political geography. Politically moderate dog-walkers attempting to reason with them were mercilessly beaten by the Russians; their broken bodies were thrown onto the beach to be pecked to death by seagulls awaiting the morning opening of Y Blwch Sglodion.

As the sun rose [sic] over the turbulent town, the evidence of night-time criminality was all too evident. Morning bar-kickers clustered around the poles aghast at the lengths the activists had gone to. At Coffee #1 on Portland Street, HQ of the Ceredigion Brexit [sic] campaign, the endless queue patiently waiting for insipid scalding coffee was alive with debate on the best mode of retaliation. Oliver Cromwell's well known slighting of Aberystwyth castle will seem as nothing compared to the ruins Aberystwyth will become as a result of these daring acts as tempers rise.

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